I have quite a few friends that have children. I have no children yet and one of the reasons for that is, like I said, I have a few friends that have children (they have scarred me with their stories). Sure kids are great and they are definitely life changing. Most people that have kids tell me that the children are the love of their life. Parents tell me that the pregnancy process is SOOOOO worth the final bundle of joy that they are blessed with. That is great and I love children (as long as they are other people’s). But, things are not always sunshine and lollipops in a pregnant relationship, now are they? Some of us men lose the women we married in a sea of surging hormones.

 Before the blessed beautiful babies are bestowed upon the expecting couple, there is a major conflict. The anti-thesis of a calm before the storm. A happy couple transform from weekends of romance to sleeping back to back, ready to strike their partner if even a toe dares to encroach the neutral zone.  I am talking about how tempers can flare during a pregnancy. I am talking how a woman’s body changes. And I am talking about pregnancy husband abuse.

 Before I continue let me say this. Women, you are amazing with all that you do. You help keep some of us idiotic men grounded, you are massively successful in business/life, and you have the ability to produce children (the list goes on). Women go through so many changes during pregnancy and my hat comes off to your ability to deal with that change. Men could never do what you do and the idea of something the size of a watermelon coming out of my body makes me want to cringe and then pass out. I would rather go 5 rounds with Mike Tyson (he can even have an ear) than even think of producing a child. With all this change that a pregnant woman goes through, it is expected that there be a few mood swings (other than the usual mood swings). This post is about what some men go through during their wife’s pregnancy. Men, please feel free to email me back some of your stories on how the women we love can go crazier than the Joker in the Batman cartoons.

 I saw him coming to work so tired that he was more zombie than human. My friend was tired and he told me how he had an argument with his wife last night. She is in her first trimester of her pregnancy and they are expecting their first child. Life is interesting. He was telling me how he was joking with his lovely wife one minute and next thing you know she was throwing combination punches at him faster than a heartbeat of a hummingbird. After that came the colorful cursing followed by objects flying at him as if his wife was part time pitching for the Giants. Us guys can be very insensitive at times and I assumed his normal sarcastic charm had backfired. The fight started when he asked her, “How was your day?”

 His wife was not feeling good and the conversation started with her sarcastic, “How the heck do you think I am doing!” Then the conversation just went downhill until the Elvis commemorative plate was flying across the room like a deadly porcelain ninja star. I thought maybe it was just his wife that turned from sweetheart to assassin. When I asked my other friends they all confirmed that their wives too had MAJOR changes in mood swings during pregnancy.

 Being the nerd that I am, I headed to Borders and looked for books on pregnancy and the psychological changes that come with it. I found numerous books on what men can do to help their women through the tough pregnancy times. There was great advice such as helping with the work around the house, bringing home flowers, small gifts, lots of compliments, and cooking dinner. Things that a man can do anyways, but maybe a bit more to help his life partner during a challenging transition. But, I was not able to find one good book on how us men can better cope with the additional backlash we get for being our normal lovable belly scratching self.

 Several future fathers confessed how sex is out of the question because their wife will not even consider it. Well what are men supposed to do? The future fathers walk on egg shells when they speak to their wives in fear of saying something wrong. Well, what are men supposed to talk about? The future fathers are verbally abused over issues such as eggs, weather, and laundry. Well, what are the men supposed to do. The future fathers swallow every ounce of their pride, take it in stride, and buckle up for the ride. After hearing all of their stories, I am afraid of having children. I would consider swallowing fire before having to endure some of the hardships they have experienced.

I need your help! Both Fathers and Mothers.
Fathers – please share with me some of your experiences on your journey to fatherhood. Please share the good, the bad, and ugly. Does it get better or worst on child # 2, 3 etc.?

Mothers – please share with me what us men can do to make your lives easier during pregnancy? What can we do (if anything) to make you feel more comfortable so we don’t get conked in the head by a flying Elvis plate. What you like during this time and what should we avoid?

 All of my friends with children love them. Their children (and wives) are what bring them happiness and are the reason that the fathers go racing home. The husbands and wives love each other (or loved each other) hence what helped get the kid making process going. Life is full of challenges and better communication can always help. Mothers, please help us men to better understand what we can do to make pregnancy more of a Club Med experience as opposed to nine months in a dentist office. Thank you mothers for all you do and let’s work together to make life a sunshine and lollipops experience. Love and Happiness.