Have you ever wanted to do something and then your inner voice told you that you could NOT do it? How many times have you had a awesome idea, but you talked yourself out of it, even before trying? I speak for a lot of us when I say we can be our own worst enemy. I see this all the time in the dating world.

            Approaching an attractive woman can be a challenge for single men. All those chaotic thoughts that run through our heads like:

            “What do I say to start a conversation without being creepy?” “What if she already has a boyfriend?” “What if she laughs at me and everyone starts staring?” “What if she slaps me and I am banned by all women for life?” And worst of all, “What if I say hi, and then she says hi? What do I say then?”

            Guys, how many times have you seen a lovely lady that made your heart race faster than the heartbeat of a hummingbird, only to do nothing about it? Why are we so scared about speaking to women? Let’s deal with this head on and see if we can take care of this problem once and for all. The best part, it only takes 3 seconds. The hard part, it will take practice and you will need gonads of steel (and a good friend) to get going.

            Science has shown that it takes about 3 seconds for our mind to talk us out of something we want, such as a healthy relationship. When we attempt to do something “scary” (such as approach a hot senorita) our mind tries to “protect” us from the stress by trying to talk us out of it. In about 3 seconds the mind will bombard you with all the possible catastrophes that can happen if you dare even attempt to speak to this woman that carries with her the wrath of 1000 Gods and has the ability to RIP out your heart with the accuracy of a surgeon. The secret to not letting our mind get the best of us is to beat what is known as the 3 second rule.

            The 3 second rule states that as soon as you see a woman you would like to get to know a little better, you have 3 seconds to start speaking to her before one of two things happen:

  1. You talk yourself out of it; tell yourself what a wuss you are, and then think about all the conversations you COULD have had with her. OR
  2. You stare at her too long and then you are the CREEPY reason she keeps that pepper spray in her hand bag.

The 3 second rule was created to increase your chances of talking to a woman while not being on the receiving end of the pain caused by the juice of 1000 habanera peppers that she may unleash you. The 3 second rule must be obeyed. In the single man’s life the 3 second rule should be seen as strong as the law of gravity. This may not sound like an easy task, but before you start shaking your head and refuse to give it a shot, think about the following:

  • Don’t you deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship?
  • How much longer are you willing to wait before you change your ways to meet the woman of your dreams?
  • If not now, then when?
  • Wouldn’t it be nice to have some options in life as opposed to just settling for what shows up?

             There will be some additional tools that will help you in this conquest to get approach women that we will go over in the next post. But for now, the initial step that I want you single guys to know is that the mind is not always helping us. It is a tool we should be able use when needed and then shut off when not needed. In the realm of dating, listen to what your mind tells. When you are thinking about talking to a woman you do not already know, what is your mind saying? Is it helping you and giving you useful bits of info to help spring forward this initial conversation to something more? Or is it talking you out of it and throwing several obstacles in front of your path?

            Step 1 in learning how to effectively talk (and date) a woman (or several women) is to obey the 3 second rule. Approach her within 3 seconds before your mind can talk you out of it and before she can mace you for just for being a perv.

            Let’s say you trust me on this (as you should since I run Wine Country Connection, the speed dating business, and have had hundreds of conversations with single women) and are in front of a woman within 3 seconds. WELL CONGRATULATIONS!!! In the next post I will talk about what to say to start a GREAT conversation going.

            PS: A great tip is to work with a friend (or me) with this. It is easy to give up if you are by yourself. If you take this challenge on with a friend (or me) you can encourage each other, offer feed back, and count your accomplishments. Email me your thoughts and let’s make this world a better place full of love and happiness.

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